love makes seman taste better
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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