My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
