Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
