dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
