remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
