Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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