the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
