I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
