ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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