Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
