I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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