I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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