We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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