we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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