My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
