Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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