worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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