I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
