So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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