1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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