She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
