i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
