I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
