I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
