You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
