Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
