Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
