hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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