So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
