you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
