I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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