Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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