y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
