She is in my trunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
