mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
