Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
