We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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