I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
