just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
