i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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