He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
