and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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