Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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