I like my sex mixed with concussions.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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