When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
