This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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