oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
