No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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