hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
