Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
