my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
