Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
