I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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