addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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