as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
