Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
