he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
