Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
