i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
