Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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