are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just cropdusted the office
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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