pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
