I'm gonna have a badass scar
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
