my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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