I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
