So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
