You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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