I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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