Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
