All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
