My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Floor bacon is actually really good
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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