We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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