Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize