saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
