Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
