No stitches, just platelets and will power
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
