i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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