did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
