I need help removing her.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We have started to decorate penises.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize