Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
