A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
