We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
