My Higher Power is John Stamos
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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