thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
