He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize