Apparently you make a good broom.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
