God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize