Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
