My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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